It has been a very busy last couple of months!! 

I've been visiting with various family members for a few weeks of that time, watching the Olympics (because I'm an Olympic junkie), and have been busy working on buying the land in Tennessee (yay, we finally found a place that we both like!), and of course, there's the Presidential race, so I checked out the Democrat and Republican National Conventions.  Other than that my kids have definitely been helping fill in the rest of the schedule-choir class, AWANA class, and of course my daughters dance class (because she looks adorable in her dance outfit:).  I'm also looking into piano lessons for the kids, so the hunt for a piano has begun.  I found one that I really like today, but I need to get the hubby's approval.  We'll see how it goes, but hopefully he'll be on board-it's a bit more expensive than what we were looking at, but still a good price for what it is.  My best friend's wedding is coming up on 4 Oct, so I've picked up my dress for that and am getting all my stuff in order--it's only taken her and her fiance 7 YEARS to get married, so I've been looking forward to this for a long time! 

Other than that, my best friends' soon to be father-in-law had a heart attack, my husband's uncle broke his foot in a motorcycle accident, and my husband's grandmother fell and broke her hip.  She then had surgery to replace the hip and now has pneumonia.  Yep, life has been pretty busy for me lately.  I'm so ready for it to slow down.

Eventually I'll get through the ton of messages in my inbox.  

Eventually...     


Quote of the Post:

What if everything is illusion and nothing exists?  In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

--Woody Allen


Currently Watching:  Trigun, Saint Seiya (yep, go ahead and laugh!:)

Last Purchase:  Otogi Zoshi, Utawarerumouno

 

Yep, that's right, I'm now officially 30.  

For some reason, I feel better than I did at 29.  Maybe it's the fact that it's finally here, and I'm no longer staring down the tunnel at the big 3-0.

Hubby's at his job site, so it's just me and the kids spending it together.  But that's okay since I'll be taking the kids and spending next weekend with him since it will be Father's Day.  Still miss him though...  This evening I'm sure I'll be on the phone constantly since all of my friends will call to remind me how old I am (in spite of the fact that almost all of them are older than me:)

I finally bought the latest Cruxshadows album and have been listening to it almost constantly for the last month or so.  On their album is a song called "Birthday" and one of the lines in the song says 'look at your life, who do you want to be before you die.'  Now one of the reasons that I love the Cruxshadows is because the lyrics to their music really touch me.  And today while I listen to this song and look back at my life so far, I can honestly say, that though I've struggled off and on through the years, I believe that I'm well on my way to becoming the person that I want to be.  There are a few areas that I would like to work on, but I think that's normal.  I believe that everyone has some area of themself that they want to improve,  and as we all know, no one is perfect.  But perhaps it's our imperfections, and how we deal with them, that helps make us who we are...  

There are some days when my depression threatens to overcome me, and sometimes I struggle.  Thankfully as I keep working on it, the really bad days are getting farther and farther apart-which is great.  And while I may not be *exactly* who I want to be at the moment, I can honestly say that I'm happy with myself and what I've accomplished so far.   I'm a very lucky person.  I have a great husband, two healthy and beautiful children, and some very good friends who are proud to admit to being friends with me.  So hurrah for me! 

So here's to another year gone, and more yet to come.  Last year I hated turning 29 and I told all of my friends that for my birthday I was going to give a year back so I could be 28.  This year I can just reverse the numbers and say I turned 3!  And after watching my 3 year old daughter, I feel that this is a much better deal:)


Quote of the Post:

It takes a long time to grow young.

-- Pablo Picasso


Currently Watching:  Gilgamesh

Last Purchase:  The Irresponsible Captain Tylor, Someday's Dreamers, Loveless

Today has been awful.   

I wonder now, as I've wondered a lot over the last three and a half years, what exactly I was thinking when I decided to have children.  No matter how hard I try, it never seems to be good enough.  I've never been good with really young children-I just don't have that much patience-and on days like today, when they seem determined to try to the limits what patience I do have, well, it never turns out good. 

It's so very hard when Nicole asks me, "Mommy, why are you upset?" or "Mommy, why are you crying?"  

I can't tell her the real answer...that it's because of you and your brother...all I can do is tell her not to worry, that mommy will be okay in little while.

Life sucks at times-I know this-but some days are worse than others.  This day definitely falls into the 'worse' category. 

Thankfully the day is almost over, the kids are in bed, the dishes have been done, and the dogs have been let out.  I should put the laundry away, but I just don't care at the moment.  Tomorrow is another day, and will hopefully be a better one.  One where I can hide all of my inadequacies as a mother under a rug, and can fool myself into believing that I can do this-and that my kids won't end up with 'issues' because they have me for a mom.  

And maybe, just maybe, it will work.  

I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now...because sometimes, that's just all you can do.  



Quote of the Post:

Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end.

--Unknown



Now, if I can just survive getting to the okay part...


   

Well, the last of my holiday guests have come and gone so  now things are starting to quiet down and resume the routine that passes for 'normal' around here.  The kids are settling back into life as they're used to and I'm trying to catch up on all of that sleep that I missed out on.  I remember when I could go three days on just a few hours of sleep...now it's more like I need couple of days to recover from staying up a few extra hours one night (okay, so maybe it's not quite *that* bad, but still).  I can't wait until May when my son will be in day care; then when my friends come to visit we'll be able to spend time together during the day and won't have to wait until after the kids go to bed.  Man, I'm getting old...

Other than the aforementioned lack of sleep, seeing my friends again was great.  I don't get to see them nearly so often as I would like, but when I do spend time with them we always have a good time.  They live five hours away, (thus the reason I don't get to see them much) , and even though we chat/talk on the phone often, it's still not the same as seeing them in person.  My only real complaint is that when they come up to see me we end up spending waaaaay too much money buying anime!  Thank goodness it's payday today!    

One of my dogs is having 'puppy dreams' and is twitching and making cute little barking noises in his sleep...it's just too adorable.

I'd say more, but it's been a very long day, and I'm really tired, so it's just going to have to wait. 


Currently Watching:  Gilgamesh


Last Purchase:  Flag


Quote of the Post:


The older you get, the more you like to tell it like it used to be.

--Unknown



 



 

There have been quite a few things happening here on LJ recently, and I'm just now feeling up to addressing them.

First:  The New Flagging System

Apparently if you don't agree with the content on someone's LJ, you can now click the little red flag at the top which will report them. It's all a part of their new system to keep kids from reading pages that might be "inappropriate" (a term which hasn't been completely defined by LJ).

Now I (and everyone else) know this isn’t going to work, because even if you mark your page as containing adult content, all that will happen is that you will be diverted to another page that states you need to be 18 to view it, and then you have the option of clicking "yes" or "no". The only purpose this system serves is to legally protect LJ from all those parents who let their kids run rampant on the internet without any supervision.  This system also makes it entirely too easy to report people. It's kind of irritating that I'm being expected to parent someone else's child.

I think that mijan summed it up nicely in a thread I was reading:

1. If you are a parent, it's YOUR job to ensure that your kids aren't reading/watching/doing things they shouldn't be doing. That does NOT mean you NEED a stay-at-home parent, but it DOES mean that you must be responsible for the things to which your children are exposed.

2. If you have raised your kids to stay away from pornography and inappropriate things, REGARDLESS of income class, then perhaps you don't need someone there all the time. Congratulations on balancing work and family. You get a cookie.

3. However, if your children are prone to getting into things they shouldn't be seeing/reading/doing, DON'T BLAME the media, the internet, or LJ for what your children see. DON'T expect other adults to police the internet and flag things so that your precious children's eyes aren't burned by such devil-made horrors.

4. If you are a parent who is screaming bloody murder because your child saw some porn while you weren't paying attention, maybe you need to pay more attention to your child, and NOT expect the world to do it for you. Censorship isn't the answer. Parental responsibility is.

Being a parent is a huge responsibility. If YOU don't do it... someone else will, and you can't bitch about the results.

I agree with her comment, and I don't have anything else to add.

Second:  The Russians Are Coming

Apparently the company that owns LJ-Russia has now purchased all of LJ (at least from what I understand). This is even more disturbing than the new flagging system. From what I have read, they have actually gone through user's private entries and deleted them. Now granted, I've heard mention that some of those entries contained comments on the state of the current Russian political situation, but still. In my mind, it's just wrong. If I make something private, it's meant to be just that. But, hey, this is Russia--I'm not even sure they *have* a law that addresses privacy....

We’re also getting our very own ‘advisory council’ (does anyone else feel like they’re back in school?).

The LJ Staff wrote in the LJ 2008 community:

The LiveJournal Advisory Board will publish and update on a regular basis a clear a set of aims and values. This will address such vital community issues as privacy, security, taste and decency. It will also provide a forum to consider any relevant legal, political or religious concerns.

Now that *is* scary.

I did find it intersting that in a thread strashnyi_zver stated:

To all American citizens must to arrive to filtrational points on a residence.
You should have at yourselves documents and warm clothes.
You learn your personal number from the curator from KGB.

Cooperate with occupational forces. We here for your safety. 

I feel like we’re entering another Cold War….*looks for enemy bombers on the horizon*….perhaps I should begin defensive preparations now...

Third:  Freedom of Speech

The last thing on the agenda is Freedom of Speech-or rather, the lack of it (and no, I’m not referring to LJ’s censorship issues).  I’m talking about the fact that there truly is no Freedom of Speech because LJ is privately owned and FoS applies to the government-which is the reason that you can say what you want in a public park, but can’t in the lobby of a privately owned corporation.  It’s my opinion that privately owned public forums (such as LJ) have become the modern equivalent of a public park, and therefore, FoS should apply--but it doesn’t.  I don’t think this is right, but unfortunately it’s the law.  A law which I hope will be changed to reflect the times.  I made this point in a thread:

While you are correct in writing that freedom of speech currently does not apply to private companies like LJ, I think that it should (thus I have been waiving my free speech flag a bit!).

The internet has become another public forum, the only problem is that it's mostly privately owned (or at least seems that way to me). Even if you were to create your own website, you would still need to rely on the privately owned search engines to list it (otherwise no one would know your site was out there) and you would need to advertise on other websites (that are most likely owned by the same or another private company).

Now as I stated at the beginning of this, I make no claim on being an expert-in fact, I could be completely wrong about it all (and if so, I apologize)-but it seems to me that there's really a *very* limited ability to voice one's opinion on the internet if private companies decide that they don't like what you have to say.

I ran across a very interesting article which stated: "The Supreme Court has applied constitutional free speech protections against private property owners in certain situations, namely where the private property owner is standing in the shoes of the government (for example, when an entire town is owned by a corporation, the corporation is subject to the First Amendment)."

I'm not familiar with what cases are being referred to, but it does seem to me that the "entire town is owned by a corporation" part is not that far off in reference to the internet. The author of the article also wrote that these privately owned public forums have taken the place of the parks, streets and other offline forums that have been traditionally protected under the constitution (summarized from part of the article).

It will be interesting to see over the next several years how things develop in regard to the subject of free speech on the internet. I, for one, enjoy being able to freely exchange ideas, so I'll hope for the best!   

A couple of days after I posted this, I also questioned the matter of “owning” a website.  Is owning the domain name enough?  Does one have to own the host site or the servers the data is stored on since these also are mostly owned by private companies? 

Only time will tell what will happen.  Law itself seem so reisistant to change, that I’m sure it will be years before the impact of the internet is fully felt by the justice system-it has begun, but there is still a long way to go…

Okay, I’m done now. 

Quote of the Post:

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

--Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

And because I didn’t post one the last time…

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

--Benjamin Franklin

Take that one you over-protective parents…don’t know about you, but Freedom of Speech is an essential liberty in my book…